OFF THE AIR
0
comments
|
Saturday, September 26, 2009
0
comments
|
Saturday, September 26, 2009
0
comments
M: "seem far more focussed"? How often have I even mentioned it? You are wrong. Like I said. Forget about it. Yiu are not coming here. Period. No need to mention it ever again.
Sent at 1:29 PM on Saturday
0
comments
OMG! I am so much in debt. How the hell am I going to climb out of this? No mater how much I put down each month, I get half of that dinged form the interest charges. I can't win. I'll never get rid of this! I have to get seven more jobs. I suck. I don't even have anything to sell. How did it get to this?! How the hell am I supposed to enter in to a relationship with such big debt? So not cool. Colossal F!
0
comments
|
Friday, September 25, 2009
How come sometimes I almost pass out when I think about M? I think I overload my brain. hahaha
It must be the same sensation that takes my breath away. That interrupts my heart beats.
Gosh, sounds like he going to end up killing me!
(farthest thing from his mind, I'm sure)
It's thrilling to speak/think like that...~knowing~ that he surrounds me with (it's going to sound corny)...his love and vibes and ...everything! That he won't disappoint me. He won't betray me. That all of this is always the same even when he's not around. Wow, that's a powerful feeling. (pause ) That's an AWESOME feeling!
On another note, I keep wondering how much longer I can be a parent when I never even had a child. I'm not meant for this. I can love kids, I can love my nieces. But I chose not to have kids when I was 17 years old! I've KNOWN it for over half my life!
Why do I have to have one now?
That's not even mine. That is sullen most days and seems like the world is so effing bad (she really does mope around and talks all small...it makes me loopy...wake up! I want to say. Live! Be vibrant and exceptional and vivacious! Do it now before you become your own worst habit). I have said! I have told her what strengths she has and tried to get her involved in...SOMETHING!
The kid doesn't want to do anything! Sports, dance, work, art, music...nothing! I really think there is something wrong with her brain (I'm not kidding...I'm worried that she was affected by something when she was in her moms womb.) I still don't know who to believe. Shouldn't I KNOW one way or the other...an inkling? a suspicion? anything? I just don't think everyone is telling the truth. Well, actually someone is lying. One of them has been lying to me this whole time. To me, to the rest of the family, their friends, but worst of all to themself! I want a polygraph given for both of them. But I guess Canada has all these namby-pamby laws to protect against that (I said that in my head quite sarcastically, but really...at least it would answer some questions). me --> *googling purchase truth serum in Canada*
SIGH
0
comments
|
Thursday, September 24, 2009
what if this is all highhighhigh in the beginning and good and dreamy and feel-goody and ... he might get bored or distracted or might not wait or move to Morocco by himself cuz he can and I can't or or or ????
frick!
(why do I do this to myself?)[cuz that's what you know. but you have to unlearn it and learn to be loved and rejoice at what you have and not what you might lose. you have to live more and fret less. you have to expand your horizons, take a leap ... FUCKING JUMP!!! and keep your damn eyes open!!!](k, I'll try extra hard)
the joy of drop-bys
0
comments
So, KTs cw dropped by tonight, "he was in the neighbourhood, can I drop by?"
Sure. I was only in my studying groove (which happens ever so rarely). First reaction: What's wrong? Nothing. Nothing. Just thought I'd stop by and see how things are going. Okkkkk
We had a pretty good discussion. I think he's finally seeing things my way. He also seemed pretty concerned with what we all thought of him, if I thought he effed up anywhere, what this, what that... Strange, especially the 1930 drop by time. But he's never lied to me yet. (But what the hell was he doing here?! Really. (pause) Really.
Hmmmm...now he has me wondering.
Crap. More to fret about it
love across the sea
0
comments
|
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry."
I'm pretty sure now that M is this man.
I hope I continue to capture his attention.
retain his trust in me.
love him unconditionally.
love the looks only he can give.
I hope he continues to keep me in his heart.
love me unconditionally.
hold me.
hold me!
he's so far away.
i'm so far away.
fuckity
0
comments
|
Friday, September 18, 2009
i can't handle the torment
these headaches are going to kill me one way or another
i hate you i hate you i hate you
these headaches are going to kill me one way or another
i hate you i hate you i hate you
0
comments
|
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
no secrets
in the heart or on the lips
best reader EVER
0
comments
|
Thursday, August 06, 2009
I fell asleep last night to my bf reading to me from the book he gave me
*swoon*
0
comments
|
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!!
